How did it come to this?
by Kikkyo
Summary: Everything had seemed so normal. Everything had been perfectly fine. But it had ended in a tragedy. Now, two days later, Gojyo sits alone thinking about the day that resulted in him now drowning in his sorrow. CharaDeath


**Disclaimer: **This is a non-commercial fanfiction. I do NOT own any of the characters and no copyright infringement is intended. Saiyuki and its Characters belong to Kazuya Minekura.

WARNINGS?  
Character death? - Yes.  
Slash? - If you don't see hint of slash in the Manga, then you won't see anything here either.  
Angst? - Maybe, but just for a second.  
Language? - Just Gojyo and Sanzo. You know what I mean.

After seven years I have finally written another fanfiction. Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

**How did it come to this?**

_By Kikkyo_

I was sitting with my face down on the edge of the unused bed in the middle of the small room of this small inn, curtains waving in the cool air as the first beams of sunlight danced across the wooden floor. Apart from these few beams that found their way through the curtains the room was covered in darkness.

I had not slept. Just like I had not slept more than a few hours over these last two days. I was busy thinking, which was already pretty unusual in itself I know, but I had to think about what I was going to do from now on. And I knew that today was the day I would have to decide. But instead of thinking about that, I had been stuck in the past. The only thing I could really think about was: "How the hell did it end up like this?"

My head was already spinning from remembering what had happened two days ago in a feeble attempt to find somebody I could blame for this whole bloody mess.

A loud creaking sound told me somebody had opened the door and the new source of light stung my eyes. I didn't look at the door even once, but just kept staring at the dancing light on the ground instead. I didn't need to look over to know who was standing in the door frame.

"We're leaving in half an hour. You'd better get ready because we're not goin' to wait", that someone said coldly, then finally took a few steps inside and closed the door behind him when he got no reply.

"How long d'you plan on sitting there pitying your sorry ass, Gojyo!"

"None of your damn business now is it", I whispered almost, but the spite in my voice was eminent anyway. Not that that was anything out of the ordinary between us, though.

"I couldn't care less, but as long as you're part of this party it's damn well my business! No use for extra luggage here", there was a short pause and I knew that the pissy monk would probably ask me that question now – the question I had been trying to find the right answer to but had always ended up reviving sad memories.

"So, are you going to get a grip and come with us or not?"

I still laked an answer to that question and as soon as I asked myself what I wanted to do, the memory of those few days ago came back to me...

*~*~*~*+FLASHBACK+*~*~*~*

After another long trip and three nights straight camping out in the middle of nowhere we had finally arrived at a somewhat decent town with an inn. Just this _one_ inn, but apparently not many people came here anyway. The inn was pretty much a family business with no more than 5 rooms and a total of 12 beds. Had it not been for Sanzo's golden card we would probably have been stuck in the one 4bed room but fortunately we had said card and could afford to take two doubles instead. After 3 nights out camping we could all use a bit of privacy.

Without a warning Sanzo tossed one of the keys at me (which I barely caught before it could fly past me) and turned to leave: "Come on, Hakkai. We're on the second floor."

It took a moment for my brain to register what had just been decided without us: "Wait! Who said I'm going to share with the monkey?"

"Me", Sanzo-sama replied without stopping or even turning around while Hakkai followed him up the stairs. And when I and the monkey were about to say something: "Don't argue with me. I'm in no mood to deal with either your nightly escapades or Goku's unending whining about food."

That ended the discussion before it could even start. Hakkai shot us a short 'sorry you two'-smile and then left me and the monkey exchanging a soft sigh.

Of cause, this whole situation didn't last long. Instantly Goku gave me his usual "And I'm not a monkey!". It only took him and me to exchange about three more sentences before Goku ran up the stairs, busted into Sanzo's and Hakkai's room and practically begged Sanzo not to leave him in a room with me.

"Shut up and deal with it", Sanzo returned, his gun still pointed a Goku's head, as it had been from the moment he had opened the door.

"Now, now", Hakkai finally interfered, "I understand that Gojyo can be unbearable at times", ok, wait a minute, "but the two of you should be able to get along for one single night now shouldn't you?"

Goku's instant reply was blunt but unmistakable: "No"

Maybe I should've taken that as insult, but I was actually quite happy with the turn of events. Didn't want to room with the monkey anyway.

"If that is the case, I will have no other choice but to change with you, Goku", Hakkai said with a smile even though Sanzo was obviously anything but thrilled at the prospect, "After all, if the two of you were to continue arguing all night long, none of us would find any rest. Right, Sanzo?"

"Tse. Do what you want".

So in the end, I roomed with Hakkai and I was perfectly fine with that. After all, Hakkai and me had already lived together in that old something I used to call my "house". During those years we had gotten used to one another and sometimes, when we shared a room in an inn like this, I felt somehow reminded of those old days. Not that I was uncomfortable with the way things were now, because it was definitely more exciting and even pretty funny sometimes. But deep down I sometimes wondered if we were ever going to come back to that old rundown house alive.

None of us ever voiced anything about this matter, but we all knew all too well that chances were we might never get to make our return trip towards the rising sun. Sure, we had lived through a lot of deadly situations already and … well, we're a bunch of robust bastards, but for once we were definitely not immortal.

At this point, I would usually take my pack of cigarettes and go out to the next bar to find myself a nice girl to distract me. After all, I was not the type to 'think' at all... I'd better leave that to Hakkai. So I did indeed grab my cigarettes as I stood, went to the door and just as I stretched out my hand to grab the knob of the door I heard the voice of my roommate coming from the bathroom:

"Going out already?"

I turned around to see Hakkai standing in the doorframe to the bathroom with a towel covering his wet hair looking at me with his usual smile.

"Isn't it still somewhat early for that Gojyo? Won't you at least join us for Dinner. I do believe you will still be able to find a nice bar to drink at in an hour."

"No sorry, need to go get some fresh air now", I said in a tone of voice that sounded more thoughtful than my usual self and I instantly cursed myself for that. I'd just get Hakkai worried that way.

"Have a save trip then", Hakkai answered before he resumed drying his hair and walked over to his own bed with the same unfaltering smile.

I had gotten used to reading Hakkai's unreadable expressions over time. At least a bit. So I could tell the difference between Hakkai's standard fake smile and this fake smile used to cover up that he wasn't buyin' my sudden need for fresh air after three days out in the wild – had been a stupid thing to say at that point anyway. Since when have I been a friend of fresh air. But Hakkai knew all too well when not to inquire further because he also knew how I worked. Thankful for that but still feeling a little bad for leaving him like this I offered a "see you" before I opened the door and turned to leave.

"Gojyo", I stopped again and looked back over my shoulder, "Don't stay too long. Sanzo wants to leave early tomorrow."

Hakkai didn't look in my direction as he said that but rather petted the head of the little white dragon that had just come in through the open window. Sure...Sanzo. Sometimes, at times like these, I wished that Hakkai would be honest for once. 'Ya mean _YOU_ don't want me to do anything stupid. Why dontcha just say so'

"Sure", I said as I turned again and closed the door behind me. I would just get myself dead drunk and find a nice girl for a flirt or more. Nothing out of the ordinary.

* * *

At dinner Hakkai had surely explained my absence and received a skeptical look from Sanzo that screamed 'that idiot'd better not get us into trouble'.

Hakkai had probably wondered what could be the reason for my sudden desire to get out of the inn as soon as possible. Way to go. Nothing extraordinary had happened in the last days, we hadn't even been attacked or anything. He would surely think that he had said something to upset me. But that wasn't true. I was just caught in some nostalgia and had to get rid of it.

When I go back I'll just make sure everything will be back to normal. That should be enough for Hakkai to leave me alone – because then he would know that it wasn't important. And I know for sure that Hakkai will still be up when I get back – whenever I get back. After all, Hakkai would or could never go to sleep before he knew I had returned safely. Some strange habit of his that had apparently developed during the first months he spend at my house and somehow refused to go away afterwards. One reason for that was probably that Hakkai knew that I had a tendency to attract not only women but also a good deal of trouble at times. I don't think that Hakkai didn't trust me to take care of myself, but that didn't keep him from being worried a little every time.

No need for him to worry today, however. Nothing going on in this town. Absolutely nothing. It was still way too early for my liking but with nothing to do I settled for returning to the inn already. At least, with Hakkai in the room I wouldn't have to cope with anybody teasing me for coming home early.

* * *

When I opened the door I was greeted by Hakkai sitting on my bed folding my t-shirt. All the other stuff I had carelessly discarded on the ground had been picked up and either lay on the table or beside Hakkai on my pillow.

Now I felt like shit again. With my head down I walked over to the bathroom as I said: "Sorry for the mess. Ya don't have to do that"

"I don't mind", answered Hakkai, "You are back early today. I am glad you took my advise seriously"

I had already vanished into the bathroom as I said: "This damn town doesn't even have a decent bar! Nothing here really. I walked all over the damn streets but nothing but shops. How the hell do people survive here?"

Hakkai couldn't help a chuckle: "Well, Gojyo, I'm afraid not all people need a bar in order to live."

It was not before I had taken off my clothes that I noticed that there was no towel in the bathroom. I popped my head out and looked around the corner of the still open door: "Very funny, Hakkai! You happen to have a towel?"

"If I remember correctly it should be lying on the other bed behind me", he answered and continued to fold up my things, "and I suggest you close that door. Just in case somebody were to come in here."

"Ha, ha. So will ya give me the damn towel? Than I'll promise to close the door, 'kay"

With a swift motion Hakkai grabbed the towel lying on his own bed and threw it at me.

"Thanks", I said as I caught the towel before it could hit me in the face and closed the door.

When I came out of the bathroom Hakkai had already changed into his pajamas and settled on his own bed. The clothes I had carelessly thrown about when we had arrived, now lay neatly folded on my pillow together with the old shorts I usually slept in. A sigh escaped me as I went over and took my shorts to change for bed.

"Hakkai, ya don't have to take care of my things ya know. Makes me feel … well...", I searched for the right word to describe my feelings, "...miserable"

"Oh... I'm sorry then", came a silent reply that instantly had me turning around to look at my best friend lying on the other bed. Way to go again: 'Miserable', couldn't thing of anything with a more accusative undertone, could I. How come _now_ I could thing of a ton of words that would've been better?

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean, ehm...", instantly I tried to save the situation. While I was sure Hakkai did get what I meant without feeling insulted, I still wanted to clear this out. So I was searching for the right words, "it's just that it makes me feel real selfish when I leave ya to do all the things I should do myself...or somethin' like that"

I could hear the chuckle from the other bed. "So, you want me to stop cleaning after you?"

"No! Er, yes...argh", I stopped to think for a moment, "I know ya like to have it clean and all and even I got used to it during the last years (back to that topic again, sigh) but ...I just can't stop being the way I am and..."

"It's quite okay to be the way you are Gojyo. I don't mind doing the cleaning", Hakkai paused for a second before he continued, "because that is just the way that I am."

An at least halfway genuine smile crossed Hakkai's face and I simply had to smile back:

"'Know that. Probably wouldn't want ya any other way"

"Why, thank you"

There was a long pause and before I knew it I was back to thinking about home. That old shack-like house that had been something like home to me and Hakkai. Though I had thought it was only some usual mini-depression even people like me had from time to time, it seemed to have chosen to come back pestering me again. Even though I should've known better, I felt this sudden urge to ask Hakkai about what had been bothering me this afternoon. Maybe I could shove it back to were it came from and get a good nights sleep that way.

"Hakkai?"

"Yes, Gojyo."

"Do you think we will ever return to my house?"

I could practically see Hakkai thinking about as to why I suddenly asked about something like that.

"Well, as long as you don't mind me being there I wouldn't oppose to that idea".

"'If I don't mind'? What are you thinkin', idiot. Of cause not!", I practically screamed back before I continued in almost a whisper, "but that's not it. I meant, if we'll live to go back".

Another pause followed. Of cause I knew that Hakkai was well aware of the real intend of my question. But as it was an unspoken rule between the four of us not to talk about it, he had tried to avoid answering me in hopes I would leave it at that.

With a rustle Hakkai turned in his bed to look at me before he spoke: "You have some depressing thoughts, Gojyo. But I assure you: I will definitely kill you if you die on me!"

I'm sure I had a priced expression at that moment: "Was that supposed to be a joke?"

Hakkai smiled back: "Not really. I for once am dead serious: I will never forgive you if you die on me! None of you!"

Okay, now I finally realized that this had been the wrong question to ask. Hakkai had already lost Kanan and it was only natural that he didn't want to think about loosing anyone out of their party as well: "Sorry Hakkai. Shouldn't've asked that"

"No problem. But would you please stop thinking like that, Gojyo. As long as we all take good care of ourselves we will be fine. And as a first step we could start with getting a decent portion of sleep once in a while. Good night, Gojyo".

With that Hakkai turned away and pulled up the covers leaving me sitting on my bed with a smile.

"Good night", I gave back before I lay down as well. I would be able to sleep better now I guessed.

* * *

The rays of sunlight that tickled my face were what finally woke me the next morning. A short glance at the only other bed in the room quickly assured me that Hakkai was already up and awake and probably downstairs preparing breakfast. Not that I had expected it to be any different. Hakkai usually woke before any of us.

Pushing up from the bone hard mattress that hadn't felt much better than the rocky ground we had camped on yesterday I grabbed my still neatly folded clothes to get dressed before I went downstairs to join the others for breakfast.

Just as expected Hakkai had apparently asked for permission to use the kitchen. Seeing as we were the only ones staying here at the moment the owner was probably even relieved that he didn't have to prepare anything that might not be eaten anyway. Not that he would have to worry about that with Goku around; the monkey would've eaten anything that was thrown at him.

At the table closest to the only window I spotted Sanzo, comfortably seated in front of a cup of tee and face halfway hidden behind the obligatory newspaper. Goku was busy helping Hakkai. Well, if one could call that helping... he was pretty much just watching whatever Hakkai currently prepared for them. From the smell of it I guessed it were pancakes, miso-soup and possibly Nikuman, I wasn't sure. The Nikuman especially for the monkey, no doubt about that. Who else would eat meatbuns for breakfast?

"I am almost done Goku. Would you mind preparing the table?", I could hear Hakkai say before Goku jumped in joy and almost spoiled the boiling miso-soup in the process. Luckily nothing happened but Goku looked apologetically at Hakkai.

That's when I put a hand on the kids shoulder before I said with an overly broad smile: "Ya shouldn't help in the kitchen monkey. You'll just eat everything before it even gets to the table."

"I won't!", Goku pouted back, "and stop calling me a monkey!"

That was exactly the reaction I had hoped for. Goku and a sad face just didn't fit together.

"But that's what ya are. A stupid monkey"

"Now, now. Would you please put the plates on the table, Goku? You can sit down when you're done since Gojyo seems to be very eager to help with the rest."

Okay, that was not intended. I stared at Hakkai as Goku stormed passed me not before shooting me a triumphant smile and sticking out his tongue. I watched Goku run happily over to the table at which Sanzo still sat reading the newspaper.

"Gojyo", I turned around to look at Hakkai placing the latest pancake on the pile of finished ones, "Would you please pour the soup into the bowls and bring it to the others together with the rice".

"Sure", I did as I was told, then went over to the table by the window and placed the bowls besides the plates Goku had brought over before. Only seconds later Hakkai joined us with the pile of meatbuns in one and the pile of pancakes in the other hand. I had seen waitresses having trouble balancing less than that while Hakkai seemed to have no problem at all.

"Wow, you'd make a good waitress!", I said as Hakkai placed both plates on the table.

"I will take that as a compliment, Gojyo. However seeing as I am not a woman I would have preferred you use the masculine term instead"

"Just forget it, Hakkai", said the monk before I could say anything, "The Idiot probably didn't even know anything like a waiter existed."

"Just shut up!", I spit back, but before I could say anything else, Goku's stomach interrupted me.

Everyone looked at the smallest out of our group as he sat there holding his stomach and stared back at us with an absolutely prized expression. I couldn't help but laugh as Hakkai saved poor little Goku from starving (like that would ever happen...).

"Maybe we should start before the food gets cold again"

* * *

A few hours later we all sat in the jeep for another long trip. Goku had already asked about the amount of time it would take to get to the next town shortly after we had departed. A low sound of discomfort had erupted from everyone as Hakkai had stated that we would have to camp again for at least the next two nights, possible even longer - depending on how many times our journey would be 'disturbed'. Some minutes later Sanzo-sama had shot about a whole round of bullets at Goku and me for being too noisy for his liking. In other words, so far everything had been perfectly normal.

After about two to three hours we entered something you could possible call a mountain path. Though Hakkai had said this should be a perfectly normal road according to our map it turned out to be little different form a hiking path. Absolutely impossible for Jeep to cross since it was to narrow, too steep and way too many large stones decorated the whole way. So we had to take the trouble of walking by ourselves. I could silently hear Sanzo-sama swearing as he tried not to stumble over his tunic behind me.

Meanwhile Hakkai had asked Hakuryuu to search for something like a road anywhere halfway close by and Goku had been stuck with carrying the luggage again. He had still not figured out why he always lost at Janken (Rock-Paper-Scissors). Because of the heavy load he carried he had settled in the back with Sanzo. After half an hour both of them had already fallen a good length behind.

Suddenly Hakkai stopped in front of me staring at the trees and I was instantly prepared for someone's ambush or anything like that, yet nothing happened.

"Hey, what's wrong Hakkai?" , I asked as I took a step forwards.

"Oh I'm sorry", Hakkai replied with a smile, "Nothing is wrong I was just fascinated by the beauty of nature, I guess"

When I finally stood beside Hakkai and looked in the direction he had been staring at, I finally understood what had had him stopping. It was a beautiful sight to behold really. Through the trees I looked over a small lake and a large and probably horribly old oak standing so close to it that some of its roots arched into the lake. As far as I could tell some ducks had taken said roots as a shelter. I could feel that Hakkai would have liked to stop here for a moment if possible, but both of us knew Sanzo-sama would not tolerate any unplanned delays for 'sightseeing'. And if you speak of the devil, said priest and Goku had come close enough to comment on Hakkai's and my sudden stop.

"Get going you two. The sooner we get over this the better"

"Says the one slowing us all down", I replied.

"Having a death wish, Kappa?"

Fortunate for me Hakuryuu chose that time to come back - chirping ecstatically.

"Seems there is indeed another more suitable road nearby", Hakkai translated for us, "But according to Jeep we would have to walk straight through the forest for about a mile to get there"

Immediately all faces turned to Sanzo. He would decide what to do - the only thing left for us was to follow or in Hakkai's case, to think of some good reasons that would convince Sanzo of something else.

In this case even I could imagine what Sanzo would choose. It's either staying on this path until it turns into a road – with it might never do – or bare with a hard but comparably short trip over hedge and ditch in the prospect of continuing the rest of the days journey comfortably in one of Jeeps seats. I would definitely choose the latter.

And so did Sanzo. Had he known beforehand that he would stumble or slip more than he walked he might have chosen differently, though. Today was definitely not his day.

* * *

After about half an hour we arrived at a rather big clearing and Hakkai convinced Sanzo to rest there for a while. The road shouldn't be that far anymore. But Sanzo definitely looked like he needed the pause. Not that he would ever admit that.

"Jeep", I heard Hakkai talk to the little dragon, "would you please try to look for a waterplace. But not too far away, yes?"

With a soft chirping sound the small white creature flapped its wings and took of. However, even before Hakkai had turned around Hakuryuu came rushing back franticly flying about like he had seen the devil itself. No need for Hakkai to translate this time, as all of us could now clearly feel the aura of a bunch of youkai close by. We stood a good chance, that this was just a coincident. How the hell should somebody have known we'd take this messed up way to cross the mountain. Maybe these youkai just lived here. I didn't think about the possibility that they might still attack us once they found out we were here and exactly who we were.

In the end I never knew if it was a planned attack or not. Though there were some hints for it having been indeed planned. For example, the way they had surrounded us in no time. Way better than most other attacks – seriously, coming out screaming "Sanzo Party! We are here to kill you!" isn't exactly the most intelligent way to start an attack. These guys at least chose to try a surprise attack. Not that it had worked, but they had tried.

After a few minutes of fighting I seriously felt like we had wandered into some kind of trap. These guys were pretty skilled at attacking in way that they wouldn't leave to much of an opening to be easily attacked themselves. I even got the impression that they had something like teamwork. At least they didn't attack without thinking as most other groups had done before. Still they didn't really stand a chance. Goku had taken the task of finishing of the apparent chief, who was a hell of a runner. Never seen anyone giving Goku that much trouble. While the youkai chief didn't attack much, he was fast enough to evade most of Goku's punches.

Meanwhile, me and Hakkai were busy with a pair of twins and three other youkai. Fortunately, Sanzo took the trouble of diminishing them by one soon after. He was standing in the clearing shooting everything that came at him and was already surrounded by a carpet of youkai corpses. Not exactly the picture you would suppose a monk in.

By now there were only the youkai twins left to attack Hakkai and me. But a sudden scream from Goku had us turn around immediately. As soon as I turned I could see that Sanzo had a sword in his belly. Then I heard a shot and saw the youkai that held the sword stumble to the ground just seconds before Sanzo let his gun slip from his hand and collapsed as well.

Hakkai shot me a short glance before he ran over and I had to defend myself from just another attack by the twins who had a stunningly good teamwork. Somewhere behind me I heard Hakkai scream at us.

"Buy me some time. This will be difficult"

Wonderful. Not that Goku and me could not deal with the youkai that were left, but now we would have to watch Hakkai's back as well.

No Idea how many minutes passed, but it felt like forever, really. Meanwhile I had gotten rid of the twins but the other three that I had had to take on since Sanzo decided to let himself get almost killed again were still left. However, it shouldn't take long to finish them off as well.

Suddenly I was disturbed in my concentration as I heard a shot resound in the air. Of cause I looked over to Hakkai and Sanzo, expecting to see Sanzo back in the world of the living, but what I saw instead shook my whole being.

Sanzo was still lying on the ground, Hakkai kneeling beside him, both surrounded by a field of corpses. Just that one of that corpses wasn't dead but held Sanzo's gun in his shaking hand that was directed at my two comrades. "I win", he whispered as Hakkai turned to vaporise the poor soul.

Hakkai's eyes met mine and it was only then that I realized what had happened. I could see the red that ran down Hakkai's green shirt and saw him fall over.

"HAKKAI!", I screamed at the top of my lungs. I don't know how I did it, but appearently I was so in rage that I cut all three youkai that had attacked me in half with one swing of my Shakujô. Within seconds I ran over to where my best friend lay on the ground and rolled him onto my arms.

"Hakkai! Hakkai! Come on say somethin'", I practically screamed at him as I pressed my hand onto the wound in his chest to stop the blood from leaving his body.

Slowly he opened his eyes and looked up at me: "Gojyo?"

Before I could shout at him to not scare me to death like that Goku came running over and looked first at us and, seeing that Hakkai was conscious, looked back at Sanzo. I could hear him repeat the monks name like a prayer.

"Don't worry, Goku", Hakkai said softly from his position in my arms, "Sanzo will be okay once we get him to see a doctor". I could see the strain lifting from the monkey's body as he heard that.

"Goku", Hakkai started again, "Could you go get some fresh water? There should be river in that direction." Hakkai pointed over Sanzos unconscious body and into the forest. I wondered how he could be so sure about that, had it been on the map?

Goku nodded enthusiastically now that he knew that his master would be fine and ran off. For a second I would have sworn that a bit of sorrow crossed Hakkai's face. And that was when I realized that the blood from Hakkai's wound was still pouring through my fingers.

"H..Hakkai?", I said in half a whisper.

"Well, using up so much chi", he paused for a second, "and being shot in a vital place, by Sanzo's Shôreijû above all... It seems I am a quite unfortunate person, am I not?"

I watched him say that with his usual smile but my main attention was focused on the blood pouring over my hand.

"Shut up and do something about this", I almost screamed at him with a light frantic tone in my voice. I was about to crush his chest with the pressure I applied but I couldn't have cared less. Rather break a rip or two than having my best friend bleed to death.

"I'm afraid, Gojyo, there is nothing I can do"

Plain shock was written on my face as I looked back at him. He couldn't have meant what I thought he meant, right? There was no way that he couldn't do anything about the bleeding wound on his chest. He was kidding. Of cause he was.

"Ya plan to die or what?", I said half afraid he'd say 'yes'. After all this time I was perfectly sure we had overcome the suicidal-phase all those years ago, when he had received the name Cho Hakkai. But now my confidence faltered.

"No", I heard myself sigh in relieve as he said that, "I definitely don't plan to, it's just that I can't help it"

My heart stopped instantly. He was not joking. He was bleeding like hell and there was nothing he or I could do about it. He was dying. I was going to loose my one and only best friend. Just like that.

I felt his hand touch the bloodstained one of mine that pressed against the wound from the gun.

"It's okay, Gojyo", he said softly but weakly as he tried to pry my hand away. I just slapped his hand away and pressed onto the wound even harder.

"No! Ya're not gonna leave me like this, ya hear me!", I got hysterical, "Ya said we'd go back to our house together!" I was not going to accept this. He was not going to leave me. Not Hakkai. Not again.

"I'm sorry, Gojyo".

It was his tone of voice that finally broke my resistance and the boundary that had held my tears at bay so far.

"No...", I whispered at him, "What am I supposed to do without you. Ya know me. I can't even remember when garbage is picked up!"

I was trying to be funny - crying was just not like me. I didn't want him to see me like that, but my eyes where probably already glittering with tears.

"Thursdays", he answered simply and tucked at my hand again, this time I gave in.

I was in shock and just looked at him.

"It's on Thursdays, Gojyo", he said again.

"Hakkai..."

Now I felt the tears stream down my face one after the other. I felt helpless like a little kid as I had to watch my best friend die in my arms.

"Live, Gojyo", Hakkai said in a tone that was little more than a whisper, "For me".

I could barely get myself to nod in reply.

"I'm sorry...Gojyo", he said before he closed his eyes and his head fell to the side.

I could do nothing but cry. I was standing beside myself; I could practically see myself desperately clinging to the numb body of my best friend. In that one moment the world stood still for me. Half of me realized what had happened, but the other half still tried to convince me that this was just a dream and I was about to wake up any minute now.

I didn't even feel his presence as Goku came back to the clearing with a "Hakkai, I got the wa...".

The rest of the sentence died as I could hear the sound of a basket hitting the ground. Goku must have understood what was going on. To say the truth, I didn't care. I cared about nothing right then.

*~*~*~*+FLASHBACK END+*~*~*~*

That was probably why I don't remember much of what has happened afterwards.

Sanzo still stood in front of the door. He was waiting for my reply. Apparently I had been lost in thought for too long because he turned to leave – sick of waiting. But now I had finally come to a conclusion.

"I'll be goin' with ya", I said as Sanzo opened the door.

He turned his head to look back at me. His eyes said 'You sure?' while his body language said 'I don't care' but he did say nothing.

I hesitated for a second before I looked at him with a glint of bitterness that also showed in my voice: "He died because he saved your ass. So I'll come with ya to make sure it wasn't for nothin'"

Sanzo turned back to the door.

"Funny", he said, "And here I was betting you two would eventually die trying to protect each other".

Before he closed the door behind himself he added: "Twenty minutes, Kappa".

~END~

* * *

Thank you for reading and please take the time to write a review.

As I am not a native speaker of English I deeply apologize for any mistakes in spelling and in punctuation (especially concerning the quotation marks – while I have tried to stick to the British rule I have little confidence about it).

Please be gentle with me ^_^


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